


Awakenings

by wendyindahouse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, some business with witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendyindahouse/pseuds/wendyindahouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is under the influence of a love spell and makes a move on Castiel.  Sam figures it out and goes in search of a solution.  But is it really only the spell that makes Dean want Cas, and if not, does Cas feel the same way?</p><p> <br/>***CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR START OF SEASON 9 (AND END OF S8) - just in case***<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Awakenings

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Season 8, so Cas is human, but diverging from Season 9 canon, as Cas is living at the bunker with Sam and Dean and Ezekiel isn't a thing
> 
> Written for [this prompt](http://cocklesistoblame.tumblr.com/post/69016594323/hey-i-literally-just-found-ur-blog-saw-ur-url-so-i) on tumblr
> 
> ([my tumblr](http://poorbeautifuldean.tumblr.com))

 

Dean didn't know how long he'd been perched on the arm of the couch watching Castiel as he slept.  Certainly too long to be easily explained away, that was for sure.  Dean tensed as Cas shifted, then relaxed when the other man settled again, his breathing deep and even.  Recent events had taken their toll on both of them and it was good to see the other man's face relaxed in sleep, erasing the tension that had been evident the last time they spoke.  Dean didn't really understand quite how they had come to this, how everything had gotten so royally fucked up between them, but he knew the truth now: he was in love with Cas and had been for years.  Dean reached out a tentative hand, unable to resist gently brushing back a stray lock of hair from Cas' forehead, and revelled in the softness under his fingers.

"You know, you really should tell him".  Dean jerked his hand back guiltily and turned to see Sam watching him from the doorway.  

"Tell him what?" Dean asked, not quite pulling off the nonchalant tone he was hoping for, as he stood and walked over to Sam.  Sam sighed.

"Tell him that you have feelings for him.  Real feelings.  That you really do love him".  Dean made a small, dismissive sound and Sam narrowed his eyes. 

"Come on Dean... I've seen the way you look at him, and it isn't just the spell.  I've seen you look at him like that for years, it's just I somehow never realised what it was until now."

Dean looked down at the floor, shoulders slumping. 

"It's not that easy Sammy" he said, mouth twisting in an unsuccessful attempt at a wry smile.  "He doesn't... doesn't feel that way about me.  It's uh... it's just... friendship for him".  Sam frowned.

"But what about yesterday?  What was all that about?  I mean... I saw you,  _both of you_ , kissing.  Right there on that couch in fact, which is a visual I could actually do without come to think of it, but I  _did_  see it."

Dean bit his lip as he looked briefly back at Cas, still sleeping soundly, and swallowed hard to dislodge the lump forming in his throat.  

"Uh... Yeah...well... he said..." Dean paused as he heard the bitterness in his voice, felt his cheeks flame with embarrassment, then continued in a rush.  "He said he didn't want to hurt my feelings but he didn't really know how to say no so he just... went along with it."  

Dean stared intently at a spot on the wall just above Sam's shoulder, knowing he couldn't bear to see the pity he was sure would be in his brother’s eyes.  He flinched as he felt Sam's hand on his arm.  

"Wow.  Shit, that’s… I'm so sorry Dean... I really thought he..." Sam trailed off as he saw Dean wince.  Dean tried to shrug it off.

"Yeah, well... You and me both Sammy, but what can you do?”  There was a catch in his voice as he finished and he felt the sting of tears in his eyes.  

“Anyway, I’m pretty beat so uh…I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.”  

With a muttered “Night Sammy”, Dean brushed past him, heading down the corridor to his own room, and swiftly closed the door behind himself.  Sam slowly followed, heart heavy, almost wishing he’d never figured out the spell.  At least Dean had been happy for a while before that. 

 

***   _The day before_ ***

 

Dean had been feeling off since they got back to the bunker after the hunt.  He felt hot and clammy and had a strange, squirmy sensation in his gut.  He wandered into the kitchen in search of water and his eyes lit up when he saw Cas sitting at the table reading, socked feet resting on a chair beside him.  

“Hey Cas!  What ya reading?” he asked, and forgetting about the water he lifted Cas’ feet, sinking into the chair before placing Cas’ feet down on his lap.  Cas looked up in surprise, then shrugged. 

“Just something I found in the library.  It’s about Darwin’s theory of evolution.  It’s very interesting actually.  Full of inaccuracy of course, but still…”  He trailed off as he realised Dean was massaging his feet,  a soft smile on his face. 

“Uh…Dean?  Are you ok?” he asked, and Dean looked up at him, his smile broadening. 

“Of course, Cas.  I’m sitting here with you.  What could be better?”  Cas’ brow wrinkled in confusion as he gestured to his feet in Dean’s lap.

“Okay... It’s just… you don’t usually, you know… do that while we talk.” 

Dean stilled his hands and Cas let his feet slide down to the floor, confused by the look of disappointment that seemed to flit across Dean’s face.  Dean got up and crossed to the sink, finally remembering his original reason for being in the kitchen, and by the time he turned round Cas was gone.

 ***

Dean wandered into the kitchen again after dinner to find Cas doing the washing up, lost in thought, and Sam nowhere in sight.  He walked up behind him, sliding his hands round his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder.  Cas jerked in shock, dropping the plate he had been holding back into the sink with a clatter. 

“Mmm, Cas…You smell good” Dean murmured, nuzzling against Cas soft skin. 

“Uh, Dean?  What are you doing?”

“Hugging you.  Obviously.”

“Yes.  I see that.  But why?”  Getting no response, Cas twisted around to face Dean, stiffening when he realised how close they were, Dean's bright green eyes staring right into his own.  

Dean’s gaze dropped to Cas’ lips, tongue darting out and flickering over his own.  As though mesmerised, he raised a hand to cup Cas’ face, thumb stroking his cheekbone, and leaned in to press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.  Glancing up at Cas, frozen in front of him, he leaned in again, this time kissing him fully on the lips.  Cas huffed out a surprised breath and Dean briefly deepened the kiss before pulling back to look at him again.

“Okay?” he asked. 

“I... Yes…” Cas replied dazedly.

Dean reached for his hand and gently towed him from the kitchen to the couch in the main room.  He pushed Cas down and settled himself on his lap, thighs straddling the other man’s hips. 

“Dean… I’m …uh…” Cas started, but before he could finish the thought, Dean was reaching for his face and kissing him again, more insistent this time, teeth tugging softly at Cas’ lower lip.  Cas felt a shiver run through him at the sensation and couldn’t help himself from arching into Dean in response.  Dean moaned and ground his hips down, tongue pushing deeper into Cas’ mouth.  Dean’s hand found its way under the hem of Cas’ shirt and he stroked his fingers across the warm skin of his stomach and up to brush lightly over one nipple.  Cas pushed into the touch, hands gripping Dean’s hips tightly.

“Oh God!  What the hell guys?”

Sam’s voice was like a bucket of cold water over Cas and he pulled away, pushing Dean off his lap onto the couch beside him.

“It’s cool Sammy” Dean replied, face lit up with a sloppy grin. “I love him.”

Cas whipped his head round to look at Dean in shock.  “You what?”

Dean reached out to stroke Cas’ arm.  “I said I love you, silly”. 

Cas let out a strangled sound but made no other response and Sam’s eyebrows shot up even further.

“Okaaaaaay then.  Cas, no offence, but would you mind if I talk to my brother for a minute?”

Cas started, glancing quickly at Dean before standing and hurrying to the doorway.  “Sure.  I’m pretty tired after the hunt anyway so I think I’ll just head to bed”.  He coughed when he glanced back in time to see Dean wink at him, grin still in place, and hurried down the corridor to his room.

“Dean?  What the hell is going on?” Sam asked, striding over to the couch.  “You’re in love with Cas?  Since when are you in love with  _anyone_ , and since when is that anyone a  _dude_? I mean, seriously, what the hell man?”

Dean sighed, expression turning soppy.  “I guess it’s been a while really, but it somehow hit me this morning, thunderbolt style: I love Cas.  I thought you’d be happy for me, happy that I found someone.”

“I am Dean.  Of course I am.  It’s just a bit sudden, that’s all”.  Sam ran his fingers through his hair and frowned.  “Wait.  You said it hit you this morning, right?”

“Yeah.  What of it?”

“Before or after that thing with the witches?”

“I don’t see why it matters, but after, I guess.”

Realisation dawned on Sam and his stomach dropped.  The witches had obviously cast some kind of spell, which had hit Dean and made him fall head over heels for Cas, but Sam knew enough from past experiences to know that Dean wasn’t going to be able to take that on board in his current state.  Sam sighed, frustrated.  They should have known it would turn out to be a problem that they hadn’t found the witches on the hunt, merely the hex bags that had been left behind.  They’d thought destroying them would be enough but clearly  _that_  was a huge mistake.

“Uh…Look Dean.  I’m kinda tired too.  It’s been a long day and this whole thing has been a bit of a shock.  I’m gonna go to bed, and I think you should too, and we’ll talk more tomorrow ok?”

Dean nodded, getting to his feet before throwing his arms around a slightly bemused Sam and hugging him tightly. 

“You’re the best Sammy.  Don’t know what I’d do without you” he said, before abruptly letting go and turning to head towards the bedrooms.  Sam watched long enough to make sure Dean went into his own room then silently locked him in.  A nocturnal visit to Cas whilst under the influence of a love spell was more than any of them needed to have to deal with in the morning; it was going to be awkward as hell as it was.  He grabbed his jacket and headed out, hoping he’d be able to find the witches and get them to lift the spell.

 ***

“… So I eventually found them and made them lift the spell, and well… you should be fine now” Sam finished.

Dean remained in stunned silence for a while.  “So I told Cas I love him, because some freakin’ witches cast a damn spell.  Oh my God.  I  _kissed_  him Sammy.  What the fuck am I gonna do?  This is gonna be awkward, like…forever!”

Sam shifted uncomfortably.  “Uh… there’s actually something else I need to tell you.  About the spell.”

Dean rolled his eyes.  “Out with it Sammy.  Let’s get this whole sorry mess over and done with in one.  What is it?  The spell going to mess with my insides or something?  Make me sick?”

“No, Dean.  Nothing like that.  It’s just... One of them told me that the spell wasn’t just a simple love spell.  It was actually a spell to make you honest about your feelings.”

“Wait, what?”

Sam couldn’t quite bring himself to look at Dean, choosing to stare at his own feet instead.

“It was a spell so that you wouldn’t be able to hold back your true feelings about people; so you’d be compelled to tell them how you felt about them, and, you know, compelled to act on them.”

Dean choked.  “Right.  Okay.  Thanks for the info”.  Neither of them spoke for a while, then Dean stood abruptly.  “I’d better go talk to Cas.  Explain, apologise or whatever, for…you know… “

Sam nodded.  “I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

 ***

“Anyways… Sam figured out it was just a stupid love spell – you know, standard fall-in-love-with-the-first-person-you-see kind of deal – and went and got them to lift it”.  Dean figured Cas didn’t need to hear the real details of the spell right now.  He hadn’t really had a chance to process that himself and would worry about it later.  If he absolutely had to.  Right now, setting things right with Cas was the most important thing and Dean took a deep breath, finally risking a glance at Cas.  His expression was hard to read but the words that came out of his mouth were not.

“I have to say, I’m kind of relieved.  I mean, I didn’t really understand what was going on, why you were suddenly different.  Then you kissed me, and well… that was just weird.”

Dean felt the words like a stab to the heart and the realisation hit like a ton of bricks: there was nothing to process.  He was stupidly, hopelessly, in love with Cas, he’d just never allowed himself to admit it.  Obviously on some level he had acknowledged to himself that he was attracted to Cas, but he’d just pushed it away, attributing it to the whole profound bond, soul-saving thing, not caring to examine it further.  When they kissed last night, Dean had felt the  _rightness_ of it in every fibre of his being; had felt that he was finally exactly where he should be: in Cas’ arms.  He didn’t feel any differently about it now, even knowing he’d been under a spell, but here was Cas was telling him it had just felt weird.  He  _had_  kissed back though, and Dean felt a tiny glimmer of hope spark at that realisation.  He rubbed at the back of his neck with one hand, feeling the tell-tale warmth of a blush start to spread across his cheeks as he asked “Yeah, um…about that Cas…why  _did_  you kiss me back?”

When Cas answered, Dean felt it like a physical pain, as though Cas had slapped him.

“Well, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.  We’re friends, and I… I didn’t want to disappoint you, or let you down somehow, so I went along with it.”

“Right, yeah.  I thought it must be something like that”.  Dean heard the faint crack in his voice and tried to cover it with a cough.  “Anyway.  I’ll uh…let you get back to what you were doing, and, you know… sorry for making you feel weird.  At least you know it won’t be happening again now.”

Cas smiled weakly, nodding in relief, and again Dean felt as though he had been slapped.  He gulped in a breath and attempted to craft his face into a neutral expression as he headed back to his own room, fearing he might break down as every step took him further away from where he truly wanted to be; took him further away from Cas. 

He didn’t emerge again until the silence in the bunker told him everyone was asleep.  Heading to the kitchen for a much-needed beer, it was a shock when he saw Cas on the couch as he passed the main room and he could feel his heart-rate jump.  He relaxed slightly as he realised Cas was asleep but his feet seemed to have a mind of their own as he drifted over to perch on the arm of the couch and watch him sleep.

***

“Anyway, I’m pretty beat so uh…I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess”.  With a muttered “Night Sammy”, Dean brushed past him, heading down the corridor to his own room and swiftly closed the door behind himself.

Dean threw himself down on the bed.  Shit.  Shit shit shit.  What the fuck was he supposed to do now?  He couldn’t even look at Cas anymore without the swell of feelings threatening to engulf him, without remembering what it felt like to kiss those soft lips, to taste them, feel the smooth warmth of his skin under his fingers and… fuck!  Dean threw his pillow across the room in frustration, swiping angrily at the tears burning his eyes with the heel of his hand.  There was no point thinking about any of that.  Cas had been more than clear that he was just humouring Dean, that he didn’t feel the same.  And wasn’t that just fucking humiliating?  Knowing that Cas only kissed him because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings.  Things were going to be awkward for a good long while over this one and he was going to have to avoid Cas like the plague while he got himself under control again.

Dean jumped at the sound of a soft knock on the door.  “Go away Sammy” he groaned.  “I really don’t want to talk about it right now.  Or ever, actually.”

He froze when he heard Cas’ low voice in reply “It’s not Sam.  It’s me.” 

Dean swallowed hard and took a deep breath.  “Look Cas, I’m really pretty tired so…”

“ _Please_  Dean.  It’s important.”

Dean sighed.  Who was he kidding?  He couldn’t avoid Cas, didn’t even really want to, however much it would hurt to see him. 

“Yeah, sure.  Come in Cas.”

The door opened slowly, and Dean looked up to see Cas hovering there, a pained expression on his face.  He also looked like he’d been crying and Dean frowned in concern, rushing over to the doorway and gripping Cas wrist.

“What’s wrong Cas?”

Cas looked down at his wrist and Dean cursed himself, made himself let go, pulling his hand back to slide into his pocket where it couldn’t thoughtlessly betray him by reaching out again, unbidden.

“Is Sam right?”  Dean’s head shot up. 

“What?”  Cas’ piercing blue eyes were focused directly on him with an expression that looked almost like hope.

“I asked if Sam was right?”

Dean was genuinely confused.  “Right about what?”

“Right about the fact that you have feelings for me.  Real ones.  Not spell-induced ones.”

Dean felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.  Oh God.  Cas had heard them.  He’d been awake the whole time, had probably even felt Dean stroke his hair, and no - no no no - this wasn't how it was supposed to go.  He jumped when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Please, Dean.  Just tell me the truth”.  And suddenly Dean couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“Yes it’s true, ok?  It wasn’t a normal spell.  It was a spell to make me confess my true feelings.  I’ve been in love with you for years, I just never really let myself think about it.  I wanted to kiss you, with or without some damn spell, God how I wanted to, still want to, and I’m sorry ok?  I’m sorry that this is going to make things weird between us because you don’t feel the same way.  I’m sorry that you felt obliged to kiss me even when you didn’t want to, because you thought you’d be letting me down somehow.  I’m sorry I was watching you when I thought you were asleep, but I swear, I’ll get over it.  Please, I don’t want to lose our friendship over this, it’ll be fine, I promise.”  He drew in a ragged breath, not daring to look up at Cas.

“Look at me Dean”.  Dean just shook his head. 

“Dean.  Please look at me.”

Dean finally raised his head and blinked slowly at the emotion he saw in Cas’ eyes.

“I love you too.”

“What?”

“I love you too” Cas repeated.

“But you said…”

“I said what, Dean?”

“You said you were humouring me, that it was weird, that it was obligation.”

Cas let out an exasperated sigh.  “I said that because you had just told me it was all a spell and none of it was real!  What else was I supposed to say?  I could hardly tell you I thought my heart was breaking because it was all I’d ever wanted, and kissing you felt more right than anything ever had, but you’d just ripped it all away by telling me the truth, could I?  Except it wasn’t the truth, was it Dean?  Why did you lie about the true spell, about your true feelings?”

“I was scared Cas.  You’d never given any sign that you felt that way about me, and I didn’t want to spoil what we had.  Our friendship is important to me.  Anyway, you never told me about your feelings either!”

A teasing gleam entered Cas’ eyes.  “So I never showed you how I felt, huh?”

Dean’s breath hitched as he shook his head.

Cas leaned in close, his proximity making Dean flush with anticipation.  “How about I show you now” he whispered, sending shivers down Dean’s spine.

“Yeah” Dean murmured, distracted by Cas’ lips tracing a path down his jaw towards his mouth.  “I think that would be a good idea.”

Cas smiled, and then his lips were on Dean’s and it was like being struck by lightning.  Dean moaned as Cas ran his tongue over Dean’s lower lip and he gripped Cas’ shoulders tightly as heat shot through him, pooling in his groin, and he felt himself growing hard against the swell of Cas’ hip.  He pulled away, slightly embarrassed, but Cas merely pulled him back in, the evidence of his own arousal dragging against the top of Dean’s thigh. 

“I’m supposed to be showing you how I feel remember?”

“Yeah” Dean smirked, grinding his hips against Cas again. “I like that feeling.  Show me that some more”.

Cas laughed and reached back to slam the door shut behind them as Dean grabbed his shirt and started pulling him towards the bed.

Down the corridor, in his own room, Sam smiled to himself then paused before reaching for his headphones and searching his ipod for the loudest music he could find.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first Destiel fic... let me know what you think...


End file.
